Anxious Thoughts

"Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Without giving much detail, because of the sensitive nature of what I am struggling with and others involved that may or may not know what I am struggling with, suffice it to say I have had a LOT of anxious thoughts....

Today I was walking from my bathroom to my living room, literally couldn't stand it anymore...

I dropped to my knees, crying out to God.

He answered with Scripture. Because I didn't know what to read or where to begin, I picked up the program from the memorial service I attended last night.

It led me through several Scriptures. Some very familiar and others not as much. I am on the verge. I will move forward soon. The hardest thing about this is that I never imagined moving forward would be this hard and I never imagined it would be in the direction I think it will be in. (That is what I am struggling with). Sometimes in life God gives us a clear direction to go in. Sometimes you have to step out in faith. Sometimes, His leading can be so easy to follow! I love when His leading and what I want match up! Sometimes His leading takes us into territory we never thought we would be in.

All I know right now is that last night I attended the memorial service of somebody that spoke more truth into my life than about anybody I know. It was heartbreaking. I know she is in Heaven, I know I will see her again but how I wish she were here to call on. To ask what I should do! The last time I spoke to her she told me exactly what she thought I should do and I didn't do it. She was amazing at telling me things I might not have wanted to hear, but in a way that was so gentle and kind that you couldn't deny her love for you. She wanted the best for everyone she came in contact with. Now, I am kind of sorry that I didn't follow her advice because it relates directly to what I am struggling with and it was about a year ago that we had that conversation.

Because of the experience last night, I was able to be called back into the relationship with Jesus that I should always be in. It had become a struggle for a while. I had not been giving it everything that I am capable of giving.

She was an amazing woman, I want to be better. I want to be like her...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26


rebma81 said...

Hello friend. If you need to talk, I'm here for you! I know God will lead through all these anxious thoughts! *HUG*

Living day by day for Jesus said...

Thanks Rebma!