Somewhere along the line, where and when doesn't matter, I made a wrong choice. I know when that moment was and it effects me still today as I feel God's will was different than what I chose.
I can't go back.
Because of that wrong choice I find it hard to accept God's forgiveness and move forward. I feel like I am standing in quick sand where I find it hard to not only move forward, but even come up for air.
I am going through the motions, work, friends, run, smile, friends, work, smile, etc...but my heart isn't fulfilled. Don't get me wrong. The people in my life are phenomenal. The void is in my walk with the Lord and I have been saying to myself I need time with God, and then I put it off for everything...suddenly Facebook, Words with Friends, Bejeweled Blitz, and a few other random things are the best thing I can be doing between the hours of 10 and bedtime.
Last week I was convicted by a sermon to say no to those things more often in order to say yes to Jesus. Follow through = 0.
This week I was slapped in the face and broken into a million pieces...if I could have curled up in a ball on my Savior's lap and cried forever I think I would have.
Instead the next best thing occurred. There is just something so cleansing to me about being able to pour myself out through singing, and thankfully God provided the perfect songs through the Revolution Band this week...
I will be saying no to some things this week cleansing myself of things as God leads. I will be saying yes to Jesus and filling back up so that God can come down and help me outta this pit I dug for myself...
"Very early, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went off to a solitary place where he prayed." --Mark 1