Sometimes I feel like the weight of this world is just too much.

Sometimes I remember that God is bigger and able to hold the weight of this world for me.

Sometimes I am hurt by the people that surround me.

Sometimes it is upon the people that surround me that I have to become vulnerable.

Sometimes I look inside myself and despise what I see.

Sometimes I look inside myself and realize how beautiful God alone has made me.

Sometimes I am hurt by the little things.

Sometimes I overcome the harshest realities and brush it off like it's nothing.

Sometimes I wonder why I am so shallow in my thinking and living.

Sometimes I feel like I am beyond myself with progress God has made in my heart.

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with my humanity.

Sometimes I have a million things to say, and not a single chance to say them.

Sometimes I have all the time in the world to speak and am rendered speechless.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the presence of God in my life.

Sometimes I am caught so deeply in a pit of sin that I can't see even an inkling of light.

Sometimes I am so stressed that I can't sleep or eat.

Sometimes I am overtaken by the peace and joy only He can give.

Sometimes the power of God shines so brightly before me that I don't know how I ever lost
sight or will ever lose sight again.


What does Jesus require?

OK, so I am totally seeking the Lord and HIS will for my life, meaning EVERY aspect of my life...my house, my family, my finances, my location, EVERYTHING. I have been seeking direction through His word and several passages have been brought to my attention.

First is one that I have mentioned in the last blog. "He who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me." 10:37. I find this one pretty self explanatory.

Also, "Another of his disciples said, 'Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.' But Jesus told him, 'Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead.'" Matthew 8:21-22. Now, I resorted to the notes at the bottom of the page for this one. Either this man wanted to return to bury his father's actual dead body, or he wanted to return until his father died and to receive his inheritance. Neither reason was acceptable to Jesus. Whatever the reason was, he didn't want to commit to Jesus yet. Jesus didn't even want family loyalty to override the cost of obedience. NOTHING should be placed above total commitment to living for Him.

This one is the kicker for me...just to let you know...

"Then Peter said to him, 'We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get?'
Jesus replied, 'I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life. But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.'" Matthew 19:27-30

So, I am continuing to pray that the Lord will guide me through His word and speak to me and guide me...I am so totally willing to do ANYTHING He asks, so pray with me that His will and what He is asking would be completely clear!

Day by day for Jesus...


Giving it up...for real!

I just praise God for all of the ways He provides for us! He is so faithful to hold us up when we feel like everything we love is being torn away.

My heart has been shattered tonight. Literally just broken into millions of pieces. But, I know He is there holding me and I am striving to please Him in EVERYTHING that I do. He is in control and I will not compromise His calling on my life for anything!

I pray that He receives all the glory in my pursuit of Him...Cause satan sure is trying to get in the way...BIG TIME. He knows right where to sock it to us to try and get us down. I was down for maybe 3 minutes...But the Lord is the Lord and did what He does best...won!

Anyhow, I will just say that I am willing to give EVERYTHING over to the Lord...He will do what He wills with it. My job is simply to follow and be obedient. Suffering will surely come in following Him, He tells us it will, but peace will reign in my heart as it is now!

"All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes....Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
" 'a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her motherinlaw—
a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:22-23, 34-39



Do you all ever feel homesick? You are all sad inside or just feel something missing and you look up and are still at home? I have felt this way before and found this quote below that just explained things so well for me...I will let you read the words of Max Lucado...He does a much better job than me!

I got this from When God Whispers Your Name, By: Max Lucado.

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannot forget our true homeland.
Unhappiness on Earth cultivates a hunger for Heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy, then, is to be satisfied prematurely. To settle for Earth. To be content in a strange land...
We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are "like foreigners and strangers in this world" (1Peter 2:11)
Take a fish and place him on the beach. Watch his gills gasp and scales dry. Is he happy? NO! How do you make him happy? Do you cover him with a mountain of cash? Do you get him a beach chair and sunglasses? Do you bring him a Playfish magazine and martini? Do you wardrobe him in double breasted fins and people skinned shoes?
Of course not. Then how do you make him happy? You put him back in his element You put him back in the water. He will never be happy on the beach simply because he was not made for the beach.
You will never be completely happy on Earth simply becasue you were not made for earth. Oh, you will have moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace. But they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead.


Continued strength and renewal

So, this week has been kind of rough for me. Not like bad things are happening rough, more like I need to focus on God more rough...you know what I mean? I have tried to focus on the Lord and am having a difficult time. Pray for His continued strength and renewal!

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure."

1 John 3:1-3



All right. I have been struggling with the decision to go to China. I haven't shared this with many and I am seeking prayer for this opportunity. I began doubting His call to go to China about 3-4 weeks ago and am seeking His face in the situation. There are other "opportunities" and ideas that have come up and I haven't been sure what His will is.

I have been reading a book, The Heavenly Man, By: Brother Yun. It is an amazing true story of how God has been making Himself known throughout China and the suffering that Brother Yun has undergone to further His kingdom in China. I am not finished with this story yet but one specific thing just completely floored me about Brother Yun's experience while in prison. He fasted from food AND water for 74 days while enduring extremely poor conditions and abuse in prison. The Lord sustained him through this time and many were saved because of the witness and example of God's power that this was. He broke his fast during the first visit he had with his family while being in prison. He broke it through the taking of communion. The guards that were watching him and his family had been "confused" during their visit, and did not know what had happened during his visit with his family. The Lord allowed Him that fellowship with his family to strengthen and renew him.

So, I was in the main service at 11am this week, which was about freedom we have in America as well as in Christ. The whole time, the Lord placed China on my heart and mind. I was sitting there and thinking about the lack of freedom that they have to worship openly there as well as the freedom they can gain in Christ. As I was thinking about these things I realized tears were just streaming down my face. Communion took on a totally different meaning as I treasured the ability we have to worship openly and to commune with one another openly and to praise His name. It hit me how ignorant we are to the events taking place in other parts of the world where there are Christian brothers and sisters suffering for the Lord. We have it so easy here and have no concept as to what it is to give EVERYTHING over to Him.

So, I guess I share all of that to say, I feel the Lord calling me to China. I am going to pursue China at this point and if He doesn't want me to go, He is completely capable of stopping me right? I covet your prayers more than ever in this endeavor and am so excited to see how the Lord is going to be glorified through this experience!

Living day by day for Jesus...

"It is God's will that your honorable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you. For you are free, yet you are God's slaves, so don't use your freedom as an excuse to do evil. Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king." 1 Peter 2:15-17