Anxious Thoughts

"Search me O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Without giving much detail, because of the sensitive nature of what I am struggling with and others involved that may or may not know what I am struggling with, suffice it to say I have had a LOT of anxious thoughts....

Today I was walking from my bathroom to my living room, literally couldn't stand it anymore...

I dropped to my knees, crying out to God.

He answered with Scripture. Because I didn't know what to read or where to begin, I picked up the program from the memorial service I attended last night.

It led me through several Scriptures. Some very familiar and others not as much. I am on the verge. I will move forward soon. The hardest thing about this is that I never imagined moving forward would be this hard and I never imagined it would be in the direction I think it will be in. (That is what I am struggling with). Sometimes in life God gives us a clear direction to go in. Sometimes you have to step out in faith. Sometimes, His leading can be so easy to follow! I love when His leading and what I want match up! Sometimes His leading takes us into territory we never thought we would be in.

All I know right now is that last night I attended the memorial service of somebody that spoke more truth into my life than about anybody I know. It was heartbreaking. I know she is in Heaven, I know I will see her again but how I wish she were here to call on. To ask what I should do! The last time I spoke to her she told me exactly what she thought I should do and I didn't do it. She was amazing at telling me things I might not have wanted to hear, but in a way that was so gentle and kind that you couldn't deny her love for you. She wanted the best for everyone she came in contact with. Now, I am kind of sorry that I didn't follow her advice because it relates directly to what I am struggling with and it was about a year ago that we had that conversation.

Because of the experience last night, I was able to be called back into the relationship with Jesus that I should always be in. It had become a struggle for a while. I had not been giving it everything that I am capable of giving.

She was an amazing woman, I want to be better. I want to be like her...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26

Conversations with God...

In my last post I mentioned a conversation with God that turned out kind of funny...

Well, if you read my last post, you will know I was going through some turmoil with my job situation. I wasn't sure where to go if I lost my job, though I have a few options...the conversation went something like this...

If I am told I will lose my job on either of these days then I will choose option A. If I am told I will lose my job on these other days, then I will choose option B.

I was set. I knew what I was going to do, because I prayed and I know God is faithful and WHAM...God gave me an option I didn't even ask for....I was told that I would keep my job of all the wild things! I had assumed...well, you know what they say about assuming...

That day in my quiet time I had learned that the purpose of life isn't necessarily what we are doing, or rather that we are going through EXACT motions that God wants us to go through, but it is about being in relationship with God. Sharing the daily ins and outs with Him and glorifying Him in our lives, whether it be through a job, unemployment, being a parent, a spouse, a friend, etc. He wants us to take it day by day...How do I forget this with my blog being "day by day for jesus"???

HA!!!

I am so glad that God and I have a relationship where He can turn this situation into something I can laugh at...Laughing is one of my favorite things and I haven't done enough of it lately! Thank YOU Father!

Also...4 years ago today, my dad died...Just a little note of remembrance...Miss ya pops!

God speaks...

I am amazed at how God speaks...

This week was super hard! I can't even begin to tell you, but I'll try...

First, I went to a meeting Tuesday morning to find out that as of July 11th I might not have had a job...I JUST GOT THIS JOB FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! At Starbucks I showed up one day and they were closing...and 4 years ago on May 24th, my dad died, the day after which the company I was employed with informed me I would have to be let go because of an issue with the type of degree I had...Also, during this week I also learned of a dear DEAR friend dying from a brain tumor.

This was NOT a good time!!! But, God spoke Scripture into my heart through friends and the one I kept thinking of was Matthew 6. I went to my car during my lunch break, opened up "My Utmost for His Highest" to that day's entry and it was based on Matthew 6!!!

God never fails...EVER!

So...I went on with my week, fought off a migraine and just worked through it to the tune of 52 hours. Friday morning, during our weekly store meeting we found out we would not have any job losses in our store, that we would be able to maintain everyone with a little bit of shuffling around in positions! PRAISE THE LORD!

In all of this I learned that, I cannot try to be in control. I might not know where I am going or how I am getting there, but the most important thing is to be in relationship with Jesus. Believe me, this week got me back in relationship with Him...we have had some conversation and one that turned out to be pretty funny...that will have to be another blog!

Until then, I leave you with this...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

Comfort for today.

A voice of one calling:
"In the desert prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

Isaiah 40:3-5



As part of my Bible study this morning I was supposed to read Isaiah 40:1...but I kept reading as I sometimes do when I am captivated by what God's word is telling me. In the above verses I found some comfort. I found comfort in knowing that life is NEVER going to be perfect...BUT with God it becomes easier...as we walk with Him, the roads become straight and valleys and mountains disappear, because He is more than able to carry our burdens...and the hills, valleys, mountains, and the wilderness ALL bow to His command. Therefore, we are never more in control than when we surrender our lives to Him to direct.

Thank you God for showing me this today!

Sunshiney days...

I am so thankful today...

For the past several weeks I have been really down and depressed...struggling with just lots of stuff including the ability/will to get out of bed on my day off.

So...knowing that I had today off my prayer last night was that God would motivate me today. That I would awake and be rarin' to go...

I woke up to such a beautiful morning that for once in a SERIOUSLY long time, I couldn't get ready fast enough! Praise the Lord!

I was a bit productive while still enjoying the sunshiney day off...

I had my oil changed and 4 (YES 4!) bulbs changed in my car...got a mani and pedi...AND went up to Mt. Pleasant, OH to enjoy sunshine and some kiddos for pics and fam for dinner...

It was a much needed HAPPY day!

Here are a few princess and the toad pics...

The Princess!

Trying to catch the toad!

Princess and the toad!

The toad