So...If you haven't heard, I am a mom. I have been for about 25 days now...almost 26.
At one point I would have been just gushing over my new mommyhood but this is what I have found...IT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT THING I HAVE EVER DONE!
I am a baby and child lover. I have grown up taking care of kids (LOTS of them) and loving on kids through mission trips and serving at church. I always knew it would be hard, but nothing can prepare you for parenthood.
Don't get me wrong. She is the most precious beautiful thing in the world to me, and if you don't believe my words, just check out the number of pictures I have taken on my camera and iPhone.
I had baby girl naturally, no pain meds...not so much as a tylenol. I am happy I did and proud of that fact. I wanted to experience labor for what it is, though I never would have admitted it in the midst of that process...oy! I asked for drugs right about the time it was time to push and when I found out how close I was I changed my mind and got her out. Praise the Lord it only took 5-6 pushes!
The first few days were fabulous in the hospital and coming home was a joyous affair. Fast forward 1 week and it became a different story. Nobody tells you about what happens to your body after birth. If you want to know I will tell you but it takes some serious time to get back...and on top of the healing, you have this new screaming, demanding being that is a joy to take care of but caring for both yourself and the baby is seriously hard. Then there is the fact that I am single. Not having a pity party by any means but I am more sure now than ever that this is one reason I should have waited until marriage to engage in intimate affairs. :-/ God knows what is best and He WANTS it to go well with us... and for us. Why I don't listen, I am not sure. I do have a bit of His creation that He has entrusted me with though, so, in the midst of it all, I am so thankful, humbled, and bewildered as to how and why He chose me to bring up this little beauty named Jewell.
Add nursing to the mix and my oh my. For the record...that isn't easy either. I have actually been struggling to eat enough. It was the first time in my life a doctor told me to eat MORE. You might think it reason to celebrate, however, I am happy to find 5 minutes to eat, so there is no time to dream about what I actually want or to enjoy it, so quite frankly the easiest thing with the most protein is what I go for.
So, then, I also had been wondering why my check for my leave hadn't arrived yet...ok...PANICKING as to why...I received a letter, address mix up yadda yadda...
My point is this...
God has provided everything I have needed when I have needed it. He has been and always will be my source of...well...everything.
When I didn't think I could make it for another moment because she has been SO fussy, she has taken a nap and God revives me through His Word...or a nap.
He put purple weeds/flowers on the side of the road just for me.
When I am aching for social time, He blesses me with the best pizza ever, the best cupcakes ever, along with fellowship with one of my favorite people ever.
Additionally God has provided me with best support in the world. I could never begin to thank those in my life enough for how they have been there for me. I had the best birthing coaches in the delivery room with me, along with the best mom and sister...My birthing coaches have been the best friends I could ever imagine. My mom has been more help than I could ask for and is a serious blessing in my life. The friends who happen to be midwives are amazing and so patient with my onslaught of text messaged questions...as well as bringing me frozen crock pot dinners and stool softeners. Yes I did just say that. :)
So, I will work on not worrying and on being in each moment and each day engaged in where God has me, and the task He places before me for each moment. I will be thankful for the beauty that surrounds me in my baby girl, the other people in my life, laughter, tears, and every hormonal moment that I will one day look back on and laugh at...I have already done this...
Click here to read this Scripture...God uses is over and over to speak to me and He is most certainly using it now.
Best birthing coaches ever!
Best mom and sister ever!
The amazing midwife (that I hit).
My grandma, and baby's namesake.
The beautiful piece of Creation God has entrusted me with.