God Has It

So many things to say.  Today has been rough.

I took baby girl to pediatrician for her 2 month check up, she got three shots.  So sad!

Received a call from a company that I have been really wanting to land a job with.  They offered me a part time position.  I should have jumped at the opportunity, however they want me to work on Sundays.  The last time I disregarded God and gave up Sundays for a job it bit me in the butt...HARD.  So, I am almost positive that tomorrow I will be calling to turn it down, as hard as it is...God comes first.

I found out today that my sister's dog has congestive heart failure.  I love little Max.

I had a conversation with a close mentor friend of mine about the job situation.  Which ones I apply for and which ones I don't and why.  Her and I agree, that God leads my heart and I am good at following His leading.  I am not speaking of going on a "feeling"... I truly follow God and trust that He has me where I am for the moment and He knows my situation.  Until He leads me I will stay put.  I am not going to hastily apply for any job out there just because I need more money.  God provides.  He has been so faithful to me and I will not doubt even when people or a person discounts my decisions to decide one way or another what I am going to do, or what job I am going to apply for.  There is something to be said about the amount of time I have stayed at Starbucks.  Employers appreciate longevity and I will hold out for the right opportunity.

On top of all of this, I am a single mom.  I am burnt out.  I am so thankful for the things people are doing for me.  Girls night out this past weekend was awesome...Hillsong is an amazing worship experience.  I was so blessed by that time.  I am so thankful for those that have stepped up and helped with childcare and other needs while I try to figure this gig out. 

Also I am going to put this reality out there.  I have not had more than 15-20 minutes alone since about July 10.  Once I got to the hospital that was it.  The most time I have had alone has been in the car in between locations.  When I am here with my baby I am the sole caretaker.  I don't have a husband to give me a break (my fault but doesn't make it easy).  I am nursing so my body is not only physically exhausted from being on my feet all day, lugging gallons of milk, etc. at Starbucks, but it is working to produce milk as well.  My work breaks aren't breaks because I am rushing to assemble a pump to express whatever my body has decided to produce for the past few hours and then as soon as I am done I am back to work, often with very little to nothing to eat because there is no time and sometimes no money.  When she is in my arms and when she smiles at me it is all worth it.

So, while I am AFRAID, exhausted, appreciative, blessed, and every other emotion out there...God has it.

Trying to trust Him and lean on His promises.  So thankful for those who have and will step up to serve Him in this single mom's life.  It isn't a life I chose but God knew it is the life I would lead and He has prepared me for this and I will be faithful to Him in the raising of my daughter.  I will teach her integrity, commitment, and all the things that I value in this world, the greatest being Love.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding.  He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless.   Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall,   but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31