6.03.2008

Lesson learned....the hard way.

God has a way of allowing us to make decisions and allowing us to learn through experience and a lot of times learning comes through hardship and heartbreak. A little about me...

In college I began dating a guy who I had become good friends with in 2000/2001. We broke things off after three years of a long distance relationship...by long distance I mean Romania. Soooo...We were able to maintain a normal friendship and would talk to each other about everything and when I dated someone else we talked about it and it was cool...then when he met someone I encouraged him to ask her out. And we always got along and neither experienced jealousy, at least that I am aware.

So...we lost contact about 2 years ago for about a year. Then for some reason contacted each other again a little less than a year ago. I was in a relationship at the time and while he was a great guy things were just dwindling and not really what I had hoped it would become. My friend had contacted me and during our phone call informed me that he had become engaged to the girl I originally encouraged him to date. My stomach immediately dropped, which I did NOT expect at ALL! He continued to inform me that things were not well in their relationship but he was hoping and praying they would work out. So, We finished our conversation which was mostly just catching up on lost time and hung up.

The feelings I had for him persisted. I did not want to EVER regret not saying anything or wonder "what if?" later in life, so I e-mailed him and let him know how I was feeling. In the mean time I ended my relationship. He replied and let me know he had the same feelings when I told him about my relationship. I was flabbergasted and we decided to discontinue communication until he had time to pray and talk to God about what HE wanted.

I ABSOLUTELY respected that more than anything else he could have done...so...we discontinued communication and wouldn't speak again until several months later when we would actually get to see each other face to face in Cincinnati for the National Missionary Convention. THings were soo good and it was like I found my best friend again and things were like we were never apart. It was painful though because his heart was still committed to his fiance in Romania.

We parted and I cried all the way home. We had the promise of several months that he would be in the country and saw each other several times. Each time was better than the last and I just know that God has a purpose for us.

So, when he returned to Romania I expected that he would do what he should to break things off with her and take time to heal and eventually pursue a relationship with me. My heart had fallen for him once, been broken through the mutual breaking off of our relationship and then fallen again with the promise of how I felt and how I could see God working in my life and his to work things out to HIS glory.

Here is the lesson I have learned...

God loves us unconditionally. EVen though I want to love HIM back unconditionally, I allow things to get in the way. I even put them there sometimes and allow them to stay in the way, even when I know they are in the way. Many times it is fear of dealing with the pain it might take to get those things out of my life even though I know life on the other side is much better and gratifying!

In my situation, I absolutely am in love with that man. I love God first and will follow Him above ALL else, but I love that man and would do anything within God's will and power for him. I say that to tell you that, he doesn't love me back right now...He might want to, and there is a very big thing called a fiance standing between us, which he has the power to get out of the way, but for whatever reason does not want to.

I have decided that I, like God will move on with life. I will not allow one person not loving me to stop the plans that God has for me. Imagine if God allowed us not loving Him to get in the way...HIS love is sufficient and I will follow the ONE who loves me unconditionally and unlike anybody on this earth can.

I pray that HE finds me beautiful and that I glorify HIM in EVERYTHING that I do...so many things have happened and I have allowed myself to settle for a life of mediocrity but I am done...I am preparing for the adventure God has set out for me, no matter how rocky the road may get! MAY GOD RECEIVE ALL THE GLORY!!!

1 comment:

Anita said...

God bless you, girl... :) Love you!!! :) You know I am praying for you... :)