As a full time, working, single mom I am constantly on a I love my baby so much I can't stand it high or severely depressed low. I don't ever feel like things are just normal anymore... While working 40+ hours a week I have been blessed to know that people that love God and Jewell are caring for her. I don't worry about her at all during our days apart. There are things that I will never get to see her do for the first time though and it hurts my heart when I allow myself to think about the firsts that I miss. Her first reaction to a certain food, to swinging, she may have taken her first step without me or stood up by herself for the first time. Some of these things I will never know if I missed but I know I have missed some of them. Today I asked my sitter to please wait to let me take her swimming for the first time. I have been a wreck over this one experience for some reason and I think it is just a culmination of the experiences I have missed and will miss. It is one thing that I want to experience and yet I feel guilty for asking her to wait to put her in the pool. These things are extremely difficult for me to ask yet for some reason much more difficult for me not to ask because my heart wrenches at the thought of missing this... So, thanks for understanding Angela...this mommy is so thankful. :)

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