God is so GOOD. He is the only ONE who has the redemptive power in this situation. I have felt compelled to write and have had no clear direction so I opened up a blank document after reading Scripture and literally stared at it for several minutes before typing. As soon as I started, I couldn’t stop and my thoughts are all being supported and spurred on by the Scripture I just read. I love how God does that.
The Scripture I read when I sat down was 1 Corinthians 1:18-2:16. I will highlight the parts of this that are speaking directly to me in this situation as well as other Scripture God places before me along the way...everything is moving through my head so fast!
So, throughout my pregnancy I honestly have not felt shame, which I believe is a good thing. I definitely felt guilt in doing wrong but I have held my head high knowing Jesus Christ was crucified for times like this and He is the Giver of Life and has a plan and purpose in the situation. I have accepted His forgiveness and been moving forward step by step with the best people I could imagine surrounding me. Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.”
Other things I have felt include feeling that my knowledge of Scripture as Bible major in college, and having been brought up on church should have prepared me for such temptation and I should have known better. In one word FOOLISH. But, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 1:26-29:
“Brothers think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”
Two things from this passage are true... I have felt foolish, and I am definitely NOT boasting after my experiences.
All I have to offer anyone is the truth that God has forgiven me and is continuously pursuing me and assuring me of His forgiveness and acceptance and of His love that doesn’t fail, even when I do. Romans 8:37-39 says:
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
My fear for a time was that God could no longer use me. Scripture suggests otherwise, in fact, the very one I read today (1 Corinthians 2:1-5) says:
“And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.”
Anything I have to offer anyone comes from my own experience in Christ and my testament is of how greatly His forgiveness, redemption, grace have all released me from the troubles others may try to impress upon me by either hiding sin or pretending that things aren’t as they seem to protect a certain aspect of what they perceive to be their life, when it isn’t theirs, but the life God gave them. I will not hide or be ashamed when it comes to God’s power being revealed through my weakness.