As a full time, working, single mom I am constantly on a I love my baby so much I can't stand it high or severely depressed low. I don't ever feel like things are just normal anymore... While working 40+ hours a week I have been blessed to know that people that love God and Jewell are caring for her. I don't worry about her at all during our days apart. There are things that I will never get to see her do for the first time though and it hurts my heart when I allow myself to think about the firsts that I miss. Her first reaction to a certain food, to swinging, she may have taken her first step without me or stood up by herself for the first time. Some of these things I will never know if I missed but I know I have missed some of them. Today I asked my sitter to please wait to let me take her swimming for the first time. I have been a wreck over this one experience for some reason and I think it is just a culmination of the experiences I have missed and will miss. It is one thing that I want to experience and yet I feel guilty for asking her to wait to put her in the pool. These things are extremely difficult for me to ask yet for some reason much more difficult for me not to ask because my heart wrenches at the thought of missing this... So, thanks for understanding Angela...this mommy is so thankful. :)

Sometimes I truly wonder who we think we are... As humans. GOD made us. HE is the only reason that each one of us is even taking a breath right now. So we absolutely SHOULD be listening to and following every instruction He gave us. OK, so there are a lot...and we are imperfect, I'll give ya that... BUT He pointed out 2 commandments above all. TWO OF THEM. That should be easy enough right? Here they are: 1. Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ (Matthew 22:37 NLT) 2. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:39 NLT) The one I want to focus on here is #2. "Love your neighbor as YOURSELF." Did you catch that??? We ALL love ourselves here in the USA. We are constantly harping on self esteem and making sure that we value ourselves. We constantly strive for things to fulfill ourselves and make us happy. We DEFINITELY have NO shortage of love for ourselves here. Then as soon as someone does something wrong, forget it. We are all up in arms about how they treated us or how selfish they are. But wait a second. We should be loving them AS MUCH AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. We aren't entitled to anything BUT sucking it up turning the other cheek and forgiving them. If you have a problem with this then God and Christianity must not be for you. But wait. He extended it to everyone...it is a Gospel of love and the only thing we can't ever have enough of is love. SO...how about this. Next time you are tempted to speed up so the car next to you can't pass...slow down and let them go by. Next time your friend messes up...shake it off and keep loving. Next time the waitress messes up your order...tip double. Someone cuts you off in traffic and then flips you off even though it isn't your fault and you follow them into the Starbucks drive thru...buy their coffee. Fool me once shame on nobody fool me twice shame on nobody again because, "Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! (Matthew 18:21, 22 NLT) Turn the other cheek. If you get beat up, knocked down, stomped on??? Forgive forgive forgive. Jesus had had whatever you are dealing with multiplied by a number unknown to our human brains. He took the weight of the sin of the world and was beaten to shreds and hung to die. He was abandoned and left for dead so that we could experience grace. If we are able to reach out and ask for that grace to be extended to us...how much more should we be able to extend that grace to others? Who do we think we are? I think I am a fallen, imperfect, Jesus lover who doesn't want to be anything less than His servant. But it all starts with the basics. LOVE GOD LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF.