This Beautiful World

This world is amazingly beautiful.  It was created by the most creative Hands possible and it holds so many beautiful souls that He created.

"The heavens proclaim the glory of God.  The skies display his craftsmanship."  Psalm 19:1

In making decisions for my precious Jewell and our life going forward I want to do what is glorifying to God...I only have a few years to shape her into what He wants.  He entrusted her to me and I have no desire to fail Him in this pursuit, though I know mistakes will certainly be made.

This is what I have decided.

So many things are tempting to me and will be tempting to my daughter as she grows up in a world of immediate gratification, the pursuit of keeping up with the Jones', and the media selling what THEY perceive a person should look and be like.

I want to show her who God is and expose her to as much of Him as possible.  I want to vacation at camp grounds, lakes, mountains, His creation reveals so much about Him and offers a magic that Disney or Universal Studios, or seaworld can never compete with.  This is not to say I won't one day take her to those places...but our focus will be on comparing everything to what God has created and done in our lives.

This is why it is my goal to show her what it is to love others as Christ loves us.  If the world operated like this there would be no poverty.  American's are too self absorbed and concentrate on menial tasks such as obtaining and "improving" houses that are too big for our families to use, when there are people on the streets, shivering and hungry.  We work toward obtaining the newest technology as status symbols, even, and dare I say ESPECIALLY in the church.  It has become a culture within our churches to have an appearance of being "together" and "trendy" and while we are concentrating on such things there are people starving for love and acceptance and who NEED the love of Christ to be spoken into their lives.

My transition from single barista with little responsibility other than to take care of myself, to single mom with the responsibility of another human being's on her shoulders has had it's ups and downs.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to be Jewell's mom.  It has brought me more joy than I could ever express and is more than I could have ever imagined.  God gave me such a gift in her.

He has provided friends in my life that have been understanding and supportive in my ups and downs.  I am excited to tell her how each one of them have loved her and I and supported us when I didn't have anywhere else to go.  I am thankful for the ones who haven't expected something in return that I haven't been able to give.  I have been overwhelmed with the support provided and at times all I could do was say thank you as I don't have the ability to give back what has been given.

There have been people that have walked away for whatever reason and who have talked behind my back and who are quick to point out my flaws when my life doesn't suit theirs.  I have learned that those people aren't worth the energy it would take to please them because the simple fact is they are looking for something that I don't have.  I will never be enough and they need to find what they are looking for in Christ.  They can move on to other friends and think that is the answer and think that they will be justified in being surrounded by other people...they won't.  Those people will continually keep moving on to different people throughout life.  Unless they are authentic and able to be in touch with accepting grace and extending it as Jesus would, they will just never get it.

I will be teaching Jewell about how Jesus loves all these people and how we should too but we can love them at a distance and pray for them where necessary.  We don't need or want them to distract us from loving others that could cross our path.   

I want to show her how to love EVERYBODY.  I want to take her to reach out to homeless people, on mission trips, and show her the beauty He has given each person in this world.  I want to teach her about some of my heroes, Mother Theresa, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Amy Carmichael, and so many more.

I want her beauty to come from the inside and to shine as to bring all glory to the God who gave her life. 

"Some people come into your life as blessings.  Some come in your life as lessons." --Mother Theresa

"Does it not stir our hearts to go forth and help them...to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in the darkness?"  --Amy Carmichael

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." --Amy Carmichael

"Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating.  By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

No coffee?!?!?!

I do not make New Year resolutions.

I do not go on diets.

I do, however, attempt to listen to God and boy was I surprised at the things He started saying after Christmas and New Year.

As I was saying, I don't make New Year resolutions.  I simply feel that if there is something I need to do I should do it and not save everything for the first of the year.  If I am concerned about my health I should begin working on it in the moment and not gorge myself in preparation for a New Year diet.  I do things in baby steps, usually either begin eating better, then working out comes along, or likewise I will begin working out and worry about the food part as it comes along, I believe it should be a lifestyle and something I can adhere to all of the time.

That is why what God began to tell me startled me a bit.

I am going on the Daniel Fast.

Now, if you don't know what this is then I highly recommend you check it out here.

As this was a prodding of the Holy Spirit I am excited to undertake the challenge.  I have grocery shopped and will need to shop for more I am sure.  I am looking forward to preparing food and the satisfaction that comes from filling myself with good food and a good Word.

There are several things that have pointed me in this direction.  Yes, my general dissatisfaction of the way I feel and look, but there is more.  I am attempting to fill places that feel empty with "more".  Whether it be eating too much dessert after Jewell goes to bed because I feel like I deserve it during my down time or spending too much money on something because I feel like I deserve a treat, this all comes from dissatisfaction that plagues us all when we aren't filling up on God and His Word. 

My goal during this fast is to learn to "hunger and thirst for righteousness" and to "taste and see that the Lord is good".  I know He is good in the deep recesses of my mind.  I have tasted and seen His goodness.  But my taste for Him has been set aside and most likely dulled as I have tried to fill myself with things other than Him. 

I want to feast on my God and be filled with the life He gives.  I want Him to fill my cup of coffee...because for the next 21 days I am giving up coffee...COFFEE!!!  It makes me nervous that I might fail.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me right?  I keep saying it, maybe I will also write it on m bathroom mirror.  I should probably put it in front of my face at every turn I take.  It is true.  I just have to believe it and cling to it.

If I can give up coffee with His help, you can give up your vice.  If you feel led and want to taste and see the Lord's goodness with me for the next 21 days...I encourage you to follow the link above.  You can sign up for daily emails when you register for the fast and if anyone would like to join me, e-mail or facebook me! I would love to have others to connect with.

Blessings to you this New Year, may all of our resolutions become lifestyles we are able to uphold and make positive changes with. :)

LIFE

Recently I have realized how sensitized I have become to anything that has to do with people being injured, killed, etc.  Not that I was not sensitive to such things however, when I pass a car accident I am brought to tears as I pray for those involved.  I can no longer watch any horror movies and certain shows have become off limits.  Criminal Minds (I used to never miss) is on an episode by episode basis, based on how much suffering may be depicted...I cannot give it up because I love the cast so much...

Today, as I was passing one of the aforementioned wrecks, I was wondering to myself why in the heck this has happened to me.  I am not at all sorry it has happened as it drives me to pray and that is not a bad thing to happen at all...

It boils down to one thing.

Sanctity of life.

God is the ultimate Giver of life, make no mistake.  However, I was chosen to be the vessel to bring a life onto this earth.  The process of carrying and bringing a child into this world is an honor I will never take for granted and this has changed everything about me.

God is amazing and knit her together in my womb.  A process that I will never understand because the amazing speed at which a child develops into a perfect little being is beyond a miracle.  Then the process of labor and delivery and falling in love with her as she came into my world is mind boggling and I still haven't grasped how I have been deserving of such a blessing in life.

I never thought I would share what I am about to however, let me first warn you there is a picture at the bottom that not all viewers may want to see.

After I had Jewell I had the option of viewing my placenta.  Her source of life while she was inside me was wrapped up in this one bit of tissue.  Everything that she needed for 9 months was in there or fed through the umbilical chord to her...I am simply amazed by that fact alone...however, as my midwife was showing me this amazing organ she referred to the "Tree of life".  I am still in awe of this comparison, as it was the first time I had heard it, however if you Google it, apparently it is a known comparison...

So, my photo compared to Google images, in my opinion is the best image, as most in Google looked more gruesome...maybe it is because I was attached to this one. OK, sorry...anyhow...in the photo, you can see (it is more like an upside down tree) the umbilical chord is like the trunk and the limbs are the veins branching out.

As I thought about this comparison, and as I think on Scripture, I can't help but think of Adam and Eve before the fall.  When it was just God and them in the Garden...and the tree...it was perfect.  As God knit together my Jewell in the womb, it was the two of them, and the tree of LIFE.  It was perfect.

So amazed and blessed to be the carrier of my child and the vessel God used to bring her here into our lives.

For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know this very well.

My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began.

Psalm 139:13-16

I am posting two pictures, the first one is my precious Jewell...the second one will be the one I am warning you about. ;)

 

HERE I AM!!!

God is so good.

I have felt so disconnected from who I am for a while.  Becoming a mom has disconnected me from myself so much I think I forgot who I was...until recently.

Don't get me wrong...becoming a mom creates a whole new aspect of life that I feel beyond blessed to be experiencing.  But there are parts of my "old life" that I miss.

The other day I got to be a part of praying for my friends JJ and Lucia as they were departing for a mission trip to New Orleans.  It was such a blessed time and I would not have missed it for the world.  They are stepping out in faith and sacrificing time with their boys, comforts of home, their bodies (have you heard how hot it gets down there? And the HUMIDITY, ugh!), and so many things to serve people that may not know the love of Christ otherwise.

Having the chance to read Scripture and pray with them awakened my love for talking with God and reading His Word in a way it hasn't in a while.  It was real and He was there among us.  I miss that relationship I have had with Him in the past but haven't TAKEN the time to foster much this past year.

Today my friend Becky was offered to go on a mission trip to Canada.  SO last minute and GODtaneous (spontaneous).  I was jealous because that has been me in the past...however in the same breath I love Becky so stinking much and have LOVED seeing God open her heart and mind to missions.  It was way closed just a few years ago and he awoke a spark in her that I knew was there and prayed she would recognize one day.  So happy to see her recognize and answer His call on her life that way.

I also have the privilege of praying for Abby who is going with the group to Canada this week and Becky's husband who will be in Peru...

I don't have much to say about any of this except to say that God is working in my life and I have the same heart for missions, just maybe my involvement in it has changed a bit.  I can pray and when He allows give. I can encourage and tell stories about my experiences.  Also, I will pray that one day again, I will get the chance to say, "Here I am! Send me."  Isaiah 6:8.

Shiny White Bathtubs

Tonight I was giving my daughter a bath and it was such an absolutely smashing time.  As I was bathing her I was thinking about how I need to clean the bathroom and several other things.  Then I thought of the group in Haiti.  The people they are serving may never see a bathtub, let alone one remotely as clean as mine is, compared to what they have. 

The fact that we have clean water here is something we don't think often about.  There are many I know working toward clean water for communities around the world and I don't think that Americans realize what a privilege it really is.

So, with those thoughts, I prayed for Haiti tonight.  I prayed for the group and their last moments there.  I pray that they wouldn't forget the feelings, sites, smells, and relationships formed.  I pray that they will bring their experiences and God moments back with them to share with a world blinded by shiny white bathtubs.  :)

And I am tired.  Good night.

Our Friend Chantal

Well, I love when God prompts us in how to pray before we know why. Looks like a tropical storm may affect the departure of some of the team in Haiti. As I wrote yesterday, the unexpexted usually occurs during any given mission trip. So we will pray. Let's pray for that they can depart Haiti and arrive in the US safely. Also, for any interactions that will take place during this time, that the love of Christ will show through our team when it otherwise might not be shown to airline workers, or Haitians they might encounter while remaining in Haiti. Pray that our team is a shining light during their last couple of days and that they leave no loose ends. God is bigger than any storm.

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” --Matthew 8:23-27

Track Tropical Storm Chantal here.

Unexpected

One of the most memorable things about mission trips usually tends to be when the unexpected happens.  Undoubtedly there is something that doesn't go as planned and it is most often in those moments that God shows up in the most unexpected, awesome ways. 

On my first trip to Honduras we went to a hospital.  There is a section of the hospital reserved for children actually dying of cancer and only a few people are allowed in there at a time which meant only 3 of us could go in.  I think two of us went.  We were told to expect that it would be difficult and between me and the other gal going in, I spoke the most Spanish.  So, as we were going through visiting the kids it really wasn't as "bad" as I expected.  We got to the last room and I walked in to see the biggest smile I have ever seen.  I don't remember her name because she was "Sunshine" from that moment on.  It is amazing how God can drop language barriers and I understood almost everything Sunshine's mom said and was able to speak to her.  She was 8 years old and dying, any day she could go.  As I looked closer I could see that she was nothing but skin and bones.  Her mom and her were so full of joy and loved Jesus and knew that when Sunshine fell asleep for the last time here she would be partying with the angels.

The unexpected here?  I thought I was going to minister to those people.  Little do they know how BIG of an impact they made on my life.  I think of Sunshine and her mom often.  I know that unless God answered our prayer for complete healing, Sunshine is dancing with the Jesus today and her mom is awaiting the day she can be with her baby again. 

Pray for the team in Haiti.  Odds are God is ministering and speaking to them through the people of Haiti as much as they are  ministering to others.  He is amazing like that.  I can't wait to hear the stories of the individuals that touch their lives and pray they can meet people that they will never forget.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go straight to God, I'd throw myself on the mercy of God.  After all, he's famous for great and unexpected acts; there's no end to his surprises. He gives rain, for instance, across the wide earth, sends water to irrigate the fields. He raises up the down-and-out, gives firm footing to those sinking in grief. He aborts the schemes of conniving crooks, so that none of their plots come to term. He catches the know-it-alls in their conspiracies— all that intricate intrigue swept out with the trash! Suddenly they're disoriented, plunged into darkness; they can't see to put one foot in front of the other. But the downtrodden are saved by God, saved from the murderous plots, saved from the iron fist. And so the poor continue to hope, while injustice is bound and gagged.

                                                                                                --Job 5:8-16 (The Message)