Jesus Loves the Little Chidren...

When you are little they make church a fun place.  Jesus is this guy in the clouds with sunshine rays all around him welcoming all the children, red, brown, yellow, black, and white, though as a child I had no clue what those colors referred to and why should I?

They had fun activities, VBS, camp, children's choir, motions to the songs we sang, crafts, all things to make church a fun filled place...

I was a product of divorce.  Even as a child I knew I was treated differently then... Jesus loves the little children? Did that apply to me? If so, why didn't it feel like it?  But, I kept believing...because my heart told me to.  Red, brown, yellow, scarred and white...

So, then comes Jr. High and High School, the differences more obvious now that ever, I was never invited to birthday parties or other fun things that happened outside of church, but if it was at church or sponsored by church I was there.  Going through the motions, not making any major mistakes...I found acceptance from a handful of people but I often felt shunned, not good enough to be in the inner circle.   Jesus?  Do you love me still?  Red, shunned, yellow, scarred, and white...

College came and I had the best time.  I honestly found lifelong friendships and learned a host about myself and my God.  I learned how to relate to people better even though nobody had ever taken the time to relate to me... It was a happy time and I learned how much I love people on the outside when I went on my first mission trips.  It was then that I devoted my life and study to those who are different than me.  Different in more ways than their upbringing but also in their language and income bracket and what they valued and spent their time and money on. Before this I had no exposure to those less fortunate than myself...

Jesus loves me this I know...and I love him too.

Life went well for a bit...I went through the motions, living and loving others.  Moved to Arizona and loved me some Native kids.  (I still miss those kiddos!)  Came back and things went differently than I would have ever planned.  My dad was sick from the alcohol he consumed my whole life.  He passed away and rather than use all of that experience for good I had a break down.  Made mistakes and sinned in ways I promised God and myself I never would.  I was ashamed.  Red, shunned, ashamed, black, and scarred...

I tried to move forward in a direction I thought I was supposed to go.  Loving the thought of being in ministry with someone else...loving on children of another culture.  When things weren't going well I moved back home and made a similar mistake to the ones of my past and got pregnant.  I felt like I would never get out of that pit and break free.  Stuck.  Red, shunned, ashamed, stuck, and scarred...

Not only was I stuck...but being pregnant makes your sin visible. You can't hide behind a facade or mask.  You are marked.  Marked, shunned, ashamed, stuck, and scarred...

In a moment when I was working on some landscaping I had a moment of redemption and accepted grace from the ONLY one worthy to offer it.  I knew to turn away from His offer of grace would be to discount the sacrifice He made and that was much more of a tragedy then the alternative.  From that point on I was brought into another level in my relationship with Him.  Before there was a self righteousness that I had in my heart that I couldn't have any longer. I could meet and understand others in their need where I hadn't before.

I thank God for the insight of both sides of this story.  The person who has the facade that all is perfect and looks good on the outside as well as the person in the depths of a pit who can't see out. I know without a doubt that I am loved by a majestic God...

I want to be a person that encourages and loves others within the church as well as outside of the church so that they can come to know and love Him too.  I do not want to be one of the people who turned their back on me...I pray that the church would love others as well.  Not make them feel as if they are less than what God made them. 

Love Wins

For the past 3 days I have been amongst some amazing women of God.  I was blessed to attend Lifeway's YOU Lead conference with some ladies from my church in Mason, OH on Thursday and Friday and then Friday evening and Saturday morning I attended Beth Moore's Living Proof Live event at the US Bank Arena.  I have been up, down, and all around the Scriptures in that time. Some things were affirming, some things were GREAT reminders, and other things were straight up convictions.  

On Friday afternoon, as I was waiting in line with my friend Jen to get into the Living Proof event, a lady stepped out and mentioned that they needed additional volunteers.  I was so excited to be spontaneous and step into that role!  When they sorted us into different groups Jen and I volunteered to help those with special needs find seats. Helping in this way added a little something special to the whole experience.

The conference was certainly Spirit led.  After the break on Saturday morning, Beth said that normally she does one thing after the break, but she felt "A Word" and was going to do things differently.  She mentioned that she had spoken to her husband after the conference on Friday night and simply mentioned to him that she felt something over the crowd.  She wasn't sure what it was but she knew something was in the air.  He said,"Well I can tell you...they are conflicted."


Conflicted.

Let that settle.

I know in my own life I have been worried, fearful, and have felt a general unease about the world situation right now.  There are SO many things I don't have to mention just one.  When she said the word conflicted...I felt it click. That is the exact word to sum up ALL of the feelings I have regarding the world.

A couple of days ago the Supreme Court made the decision that anywhere in the United States, gay marriages are legal.

Let me make my stance clear...I believe the Bible is clear and that a gay lifestyle is sinful.

You are reading this from a single mom who had sex outside of marriage.  Also a sin.  I will own that for the rest of my life.

The difference for Christians is not that we claim perfection...we claim the blood of Christ covers our sins and that LOVE WINS.

I want to love others as Christ loves me.  I DO love others.  I can't say my love is always perfect but I know one thing from today...

As I walked out from a Christian conference in which the Word of God was alive...I walked out to the Gay Pride march.  It was directly on the street below me.

As I watched the march I was feeling so many things that I don't know how to put into words, but I do know that not one iota of what I felt was hate or judgment.

I can't rejoice with them because it is not in line with my particular line of belief.  I can however relate to the feeling of victory...

Victory in Jesus is something that I was literally swept up in moments before and my heart was so full for the promises I have in Him.  I want this for everyone.  I want this victory for Jewell and for all of my friends and family.  It is indescribable and unobtainable joy that until you accept Jesus and receive the Holy Spirit, you cannot understand.



I don't know what to say about the next thing I saw except for I was embarrassed and saddened at their representation of Jesus.  It is distasteful, hateful, and not at all an accurate representation of the Jesus I serve.  It broke my heart to see Him displayed in such a manner and I hope and pray that all people could have an accurate view of who Jesus is at some point in their life because that is not it.

"I give you a new command: Love one another.  Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.  By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
                                                                                                              --John 13:34-35 (HCSB)
                                                  

Mother of Samson

 I love how God can surprise us with a tidbit of information that clicks and brings forth a flood of truth and awe inspiring thought and insight into something you have never considered before.

Tonight I was just "done".  I was tired from work and from being at Jewell's beckon call.  The volume of life was way too loud and I thought I might have to scream to block out the "noise" that was grinding on my last nerve.

Alas, I literally threw my hands up in the air in defeat, took Jewell to bed, whispered a prayer, kissed her, turned out the light as I told her, "I love you, goodnight."  I ran from the room as fast as I could searching for the relief of knowing my mind could rest.

Typically I will try to fill silence with episodes of Gilmore Girls on Netflix or something on the DVR.  Tonight I literally wanted silence.  I turned off the TV and got online and began watching You Tube videos.  Seems like I was adding more noise, however the You Tube videos I began watching were ALL worship.  It was relief to my soul.  As I listened I began thinking about Jesus, Mary, mothers...my blog.

I opened the Word and began reading about Biblical moms that came to my mind and I wanted to know more about...I went through Rachel, Rebekah, and then I came to somebody whose name is not mentioned.  I am not sure why it was left out of the Bible, but her impression as a mother is certainly IN the Bible and I want to highlight it here.

She was a wife to Manoah.  They were Israelites being oppressed by the Phillistines.  I can't imagine her plight.  Not only were they being oppressed but she may have been broken down by the fact that there was not yet a child to provide her and her husband with hopes and dreams for their family moving forward.  She also could have been a very optimistic person who was content in their daily task of caring for the man she dedicated her life to, until death do they part...resigned to the fact that she may never have a child.

Whoever she was, news was coming that would change her forever.

I must say that her discovery of pregnancy went down much differently than my discovery of pregnancy.  An ANGEL APPEARED to her and told her she would be having a baby (and I thought I was surprised when a blue line appeared).  Not only was she having a baby but there were MANY specifications as to how to care for this coming baby because he was ALREADY set apart for God and had dietary restrictions and of course the hair thing...

She was not allowed to cut his hair because he would be dedicated to God.

This may not seem like a big deal...but think about how hard we make things on ourselves because we are afraid that we won't fit in.  We are afraid if we don't have the right car, shoes, house, etc. then we won't fit in.  What if we don't go to the right salon and have the right hair??? What then?

What if you, as a parent, were told that your kid must have a mullet and never change that hairstyle?

How difficult would that be?  At some point I am sure Samson, being rebellious, or just plain tired of combing through his long mane of knots without any detangler, just wanted to throw in the towel and cut it all off...

What do you do as the mother?

She stuck to what God asked.  She followed through because God had honored her and blessed her with a child.  She knew the plans He had for Samson ahead of time.  Maybe not detailed plans, but she trusted that God was in control and would honor her and her child throughout Samson's life.

I want to trust God with Jewell as much as she trusted Him with Samson.

When things in this world seem tempting to me or to my daughter I want to have the wisdom and strength to say no.  Even if it isn't what fits into the status quo and even if it means we are different or weird...the One we need to accept us did accept us and love us, long before we existed.


My main resource for this was Judges 13

Biblical Mommyhood

I have been moved.  Since having Jewell I view so many things in the pages of God's word differently.  Specifically, I have been inspired by the mothers within those pages.  I am in awe right now of Jochebed, Hannah, and Naomi...and have been so much more in awe of Mary especially.  How my heart breaks with the loss she suffered in her son while He handed her the world in that same moment.  How did she DO that?

I want to dive in a little deeper in studying mothers of the Bible.  I will plan on writing a few blogs throughout the Christmas season.  I am not sure if this will be a study about individual mothers or if it will be in regards to the qualities that many of these moms have in common, or differences between the moms.  Regardless of how it turns out I am excited to learn how to be a better mommy to Jewell through this time.  Pray for the time to be able to do this and that it glorifies God.  Also, if you have any resources that jump out at you please share them.  I miss writing and I love this new inspiration.

Blessings to you throughout the season...whether there is one person reading, 6 people, or 400 million (ha!).

I Respectfully Disagree.

When I think of the story of Abraham offering Isaac on the altar as a sacrifice I am often confused.

Genesis 22

One think I absolutely HATE is manipulating others feelings or actions.  What was the point? I mean I know that God was testing Abraham but really did he have to go THERE?

Step away from this story for a moment.

Think about leadership.  In every single position I have had, the leaders, management, trainers, etc. that I respect and look up to the most are those that are willing to do ANYTHING they ask you to do.
Take Starbucks.  I worked there for over 5 years.  There were times I was asked to do things that I did not want to do.  Clean up vomit in the bathroom?  No thanks.  Scrape gum off the menu board?  Next please.  Clean the drains that reek of curdled milk.  Seriously?

I have actually told people no.  My views may have changed since then, because I was convicted another time about the whole "working as if for the Lord" Scripture.  However, there have been times, not just at Starbucks, that I have straight up refused to do something.  I mean, unless you want a double dose of vomit to clean up, I may not be the particular person for that job.

Through the years I have begun to notice that, even when it is a job I am not inclined to be enthusiastic about completing, if I know the person asking me to do it would do it, then I am so much more willing to finish it due to the example they have set.  They have led the way.

Back to Abraham.  Did he know that God himself would one day give up His innocent son as a sacrifice?  I don't know.  I think that Abraham knew God well enough to know His character.  He knew that God wouldn't ask him to do something that He Himself was not willing to do.  So that added to the trust he had when he raised that dagger above his only Son's body.

Was it a test?  Yes.  Greg Marksberry said something in the sermon today that hit home.  He said, "If Abraham was to become the Father of our faith, then God wants to know he trusts Him."  At first I thought YES!  This makes GREAT sense.  Then I gnawed on it a bit more and I am sorry Greg but I respectfully disagree.

God knows us.  He knows how much faith we have.

When I am employed and I see someone gain favor, if I have seen their exemplary behavior I do not question the decision for their favor, may it be a promotion or award.  If I see someone receive favor without that visible example of hard work, faith, etc.  I may question their position.

God knew this would be a Bible story.  He knew Abraham would have many sons and that his sons (and daughters) would talk about this story, well, forever.  The test wasn't for God to see his faith.  The test was for US to see it.  To know that GOD chose someone who would follow Him unconditionally. 

God is an amazing leader.  Perfect in fact.

A Worthy Walk

I am guilty.

I judge people when they walk past, yes just by looking at them.  I judge the things they say and I judge the motivation behind their actions.

We are all guilty.

I am trying to improve this part of me and my tendency to judge has greatly lessened, especially with the happenings in the past 3 years.

Recently I took a big step (for me at least).  I felt God telling me that the new church campus we were launching needed a Wednesday night Bible study.  He told me it needed to be Wednesday, that I needed to teach/facilitate, and he told me who I should ask to help with the class I would be in.  I have been so confident in these things.

God has been clear.

This other part of me has been more self conscious than I have ever been in my life.  Satan has been throwing things at me and quite frankly I just wanted to throw the towel in.

"How can YOU lead a class when you are a single mom?  YOU don't have time!"
"Nobody is going to relate to you as a single mom."
"What happens if they don't like you?"
"What if you are late all of the time?"
"What if you don't live up to what HE wants?"
"YOU'RE NOT CAPABLE."

These are all things satan was telling me.  I felt unworthy.

"We encouraged, comforted, and implored each one of you to walk worthy of God, who calls you into His own Kingdom and glory." 1 Thessalonians 2:12

Thankfully I did not give up.  I pressed on, fought back the way I needed to and began the study.  I was trying to walk worthy of the one who so clearly called me to this place.

The thing about this process is that for the first time in over 2 years I feel like myself.  I feel like behind the shame of my sin which was so evident when I first became pregnant and revealed it, along with the shock of becoming a parent and focusing all of my energy on this little Jewell, I lost who I am in Him.  I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything, however I feel more balanced in this calling.

He is bringing me out of this cloud I didn't know I was living in and I am so relieved and beyond thrilled.

I say all of this to say I have not been the same since I had my child.  It has been a difficult load to bear and I could not have made it without my God and friends.  I have judged people too often and I know that if people have judged me in the past 2 years I do not blame them.  God is being glorified and I am working harder to "walk worthy of God, who called ME into His own Kingdom and glory."

I love who I am.

I am not saying this to be narcissistic.

It is just that God has brought me so far.

Several years ago I loathed who I wasn't AND who I was all at the same time.  I have tried to be somebody I am not and all the while could feel my heart and soul stretching and tearing because it was going ways my heart didn't want to go. 

Without going into detail the past few weeks I was confronted with something.  Something that could have been wonderful and amazing or it could have been a repeat experience from my past. 

I walked away.

I haven't walked THAT far away yet but knowing that God has strengthened me to make a decision He wanted me to and knowing the satisfaction that comes from glorifying Him with my actions is the best satisfaction I know of.

I am thankful.

Thankful for His Word that has spoken loudly into my heart and mind. 

Thankful for friends who encourage.

I am thankful He has molded me into who I am through my experiences.  No matter how difficult they were to go through at the time.

I imagine that He is chiseling me during the difficult times...literally hammering at me to knock off some of my sharp edges.  This is not a painless process but necessary for growth and becoming more of who He wants me to be.

Other times I can feel Him more gently molding me in more of a comforting and loving fashion.

I love who I am.

This Beautiful World

This world is amazingly beautiful.  It was created by the most creative Hands possible and it holds so many beautiful souls that He created.

"The heavens proclaim the glory of God.  The skies display his craftsmanship."  Psalm 19:1

In making decisions for my precious Jewell and our life going forward I want to do what is glorifying to God...I only have a few years to shape her into what He wants.  He entrusted her to me and I have no desire to fail Him in this pursuit, though I know mistakes will certainly be made.

This is what I have decided.

So many things are tempting to me and will be tempting to my daughter as she grows up in a world of immediate gratification, the pursuit of keeping up with the Jones', and the media selling what THEY perceive a person should look and be like.

I want to show her who God is and expose her to as much of Him as possible.  I want to vacation at camp grounds, lakes, mountains, His creation reveals so much about Him and offers a magic that Disney or Universal Studios, or seaworld can never compete with.  This is not to say I won't one day take her to those places...but our focus will be on comparing everything to what God has created and done in our lives.

This is why it is my goal to show her what it is to love others as Christ loves us.  If the world operated like this there would be no poverty.  American's are too self absorbed and concentrate on menial tasks such as obtaining and "improving" houses that are too big for our families to use, when there are people on the streets, shivering and hungry.  We work toward obtaining the newest technology as status symbols, even, and dare I say ESPECIALLY in the church.  It has become a culture within our churches to have an appearance of being "together" and "trendy" and while we are concentrating on such things there are people starving for love and acceptance and who NEED the love of Christ to be spoken into their lives.

My transition from single barista with little responsibility other than to take care of myself, to single mom with the responsibility of another human being's on her shoulders has had it's ups and downs.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to be Jewell's mom.  It has brought me more joy than I could ever express and is more than I could have ever imagined.  God gave me such a gift in her.

He has provided friends in my life that have been understanding and supportive in my ups and downs.  I am excited to tell her how each one of them have loved her and I and supported us when I didn't have anywhere else to go.  I am thankful for the ones who haven't expected something in return that I haven't been able to give.  I have been overwhelmed with the support provided and at times all I could do was say thank you as I don't have the ability to give back what has been given.

There have been people that have walked away for whatever reason and who have talked behind my back and who are quick to point out my flaws when my life doesn't suit theirs.  I have learned that those people aren't worth the energy it would take to please them because the simple fact is they are looking for something that I don't have.  I will never be enough and they need to find what they are looking for in Christ.  They can move on to other friends and think that is the answer and think that they will be justified in being surrounded by other people...they won't.  Those people will continually keep moving on to different people throughout life.  Unless they are authentic and able to be in touch with accepting grace and extending it as Jesus would, they will just never get it.

I will be teaching Jewell about how Jesus loves all these people and how we should too but we can love them at a distance and pray for them where necessary.  We don't need or want them to distract us from loving others that could cross our path.   

I want to show her how to love EVERYBODY.  I want to take her to reach out to homeless people, on mission trips, and show her the beauty He has given each person in this world.  I want to teach her about some of my heroes, Mother Theresa, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Amy Carmichael, and so many more.

I want her beauty to come from the inside and to shine as to bring all glory to the God who gave her life. 

"Some people come into your life as blessings.  Some come in your life as lessons." --Mother Theresa

"Does it not stir our hearts to go forth and help them...to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in the darkness?"  --Amy Carmichael

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." --Amy Carmichael

"Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating.  By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

No coffee?!?!?!

I do not make New Year resolutions.

I do not go on diets.

I do, however, attempt to listen to God and boy was I surprised at the things He started saying after Christmas and New Year.

As I was saying, I don't make New Year resolutions.  I simply feel that if there is something I need to do I should do it and not save everything for the first of the year.  If I am concerned about my health I should begin working on it in the moment and not gorge myself in preparation for a New Year diet.  I do things in baby steps, usually either begin eating better, then working out comes along, or likewise I will begin working out and worry about the food part as it comes along, I believe it should be a lifestyle and something I can adhere to all of the time.

That is why what God began to tell me startled me a bit.

I am going on the Daniel Fast.

Now, if you don't know what this is then I highly recommend you check it out here.

As this was a prodding of the Holy Spirit I am excited to undertake the challenge.  I have grocery shopped and will need to shop for more I am sure.  I am looking forward to preparing food and the satisfaction that comes from filling myself with good food and a good Word.

There are several things that have pointed me in this direction.  Yes, my general dissatisfaction of the way I feel and look, but there is more.  I am attempting to fill places that feel empty with "more".  Whether it be eating too much dessert after Jewell goes to bed because I feel like I deserve it during my down time or spending too much money on something because I feel like I deserve a treat, this all comes from dissatisfaction that plagues us all when we aren't filling up on God and His Word. 

My goal during this fast is to learn to "hunger and thirst for righteousness" and to "taste and see that the Lord is good".  I know He is good in the deep recesses of my mind.  I have tasted and seen His goodness.  But my taste for Him has been set aside and most likely dulled as I have tried to fill myself with things other than Him. 

I want to feast on my God and be filled with the life He gives.  I want Him to fill my cup of coffee...because for the next 21 days I am giving up coffee...COFFEE!!!  It makes me nervous that I might fail.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me right?  I keep saying it, maybe I will also write it on m bathroom mirror.  I should probably put it in front of my face at every turn I take.  It is true.  I just have to believe it and cling to it.

If I can give up coffee with His help, you can give up your vice.  If you feel led and want to taste and see the Lord's goodness with me for the next 21 days...I encourage you to follow the link above.  You can sign up for daily emails when you register for the fast and if anyone would like to join me, e-mail or facebook me! I would love to have others to connect with.

Blessings to you this New Year, may all of our resolutions become lifestyles we are able to uphold and make positive changes with. :)

LIFE

Recently I have realized how sensitized I have become to anything that has to do with people being injured, killed, etc.  Not that I was not sensitive to such things however, when I pass a car accident I am brought to tears as I pray for those involved.  I can no longer watch any horror movies and certain shows have become off limits.  Criminal Minds (I used to never miss) is on an episode by episode basis, based on how much suffering may be depicted...I cannot give it up because I love the cast so much...

Today, as I was passing one of the aforementioned wrecks, I was wondering to myself why in the heck this has happened to me.  I am not at all sorry it has happened as it drives me to pray and that is not a bad thing to happen at all...

It boils down to one thing.

Sanctity of life.

God is the ultimate Giver of life, make no mistake.  However, I was chosen to be the vessel to bring a life onto this earth.  The process of carrying and bringing a child into this world is an honor I will never take for granted and this has changed everything about me.

God is amazing and knit her together in my womb.  A process that I will never understand because the amazing speed at which a child develops into a perfect little being is beyond a miracle.  Then the process of labor and delivery and falling in love with her as she came into my world is mind boggling and I still haven't grasped how I have been deserving of such a blessing in life.

I never thought I would share what I am about to however, let me first warn you there is a picture at the bottom that not all viewers may want to see.

After I had Jewell I had the option of viewing my placenta.  Her source of life while she was inside me was wrapped up in this one bit of tissue.  Everything that she needed for 9 months was in there or fed through the umbilical chord to her...I am simply amazed by that fact alone...however, as my midwife was showing me this amazing organ she referred to the "Tree of life".  I am still in awe of this comparison, as it was the first time I had heard it, however if you Google it, apparently it is a known comparison...

So, my photo compared to Google images, in my opinion is the best image, as most in Google looked more gruesome...maybe it is because I was attached to this one. OK, sorry...anyhow...in the photo, you can see (it is more like an upside down tree) the umbilical chord is like the trunk and the limbs are the veins branching out.

As I thought about this comparison, and as I think on Scripture, I can't help but think of Adam and Eve before the fall.  When it was just God and them in the Garden...and the tree...it was perfect.  As God knit together my Jewell in the womb, it was the two of them, and the tree of LIFE.  It was perfect.

So amazed and blessed to be the carrier of my child and the vessel God used to bring her here into our lives.

For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know this very well.

My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all my days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began.

Psalm 139:13-16

I am posting two pictures, the first one is my precious Jewell...the second one will be the one I am warning you about. ;)

 

HERE I AM!!!

God is so good.

I have felt so disconnected from who I am for a while.  Becoming a mom has disconnected me from myself so much I think I forgot who I was...until recently.

Don't get me wrong...becoming a mom creates a whole new aspect of life that I feel beyond blessed to be experiencing.  But there are parts of my "old life" that I miss.

The other day I got to be a part of praying for my friends JJ and Lucia as they were departing for a mission trip to New Orleans.  It was such a blessed time and I would not have missed it for the world.  They are stepping out in faith and sacrificing time with their boys, comforts of home, their bodies (have you heard how hot it gets down there? And the HUMIDITY, ugh!), and so many things to serve people that may not know the love of Christ otherwise.

Having the chance to read Scripture and pray with them awakened my love for talking with God and reading His Word in a way it hasn't in a while.  It was real and He was there among us.  I miss that relationship I have had with Him in the past but haven't TAKEN the time to foster much this past year.

Today my friend Becky was offered to go on a mission trip to Canada.  SO last minute and GODtaneous (spontaneous).  I was jealous because that has been me in the past...however in the same breath I love Becky so stinking much and have LOVED seeing God open her heart and mind to missions.  It was way closed just a few years ago and he awoke a spark in her that I knew was there and prayed she would recognize one day.  So happy to see her recognize and answer His call on her life that way.

I also have the privilege of praying for Abby who is going with the group to Canada this week and Becky's husband who will be in Peru...

I don't have much to say about any of this except to say that God is working in my life and I have the same heart for missions, just maybe my involvement in it has changed a bit.  I can pray and when He allows give. I can encourage and tell stories about my experiences.  Also, I will pray that one day again, I will get the chance to say, "Here I am! Send me."  Isaiah 6:8.

Shiny White Bathtubs

Tonight I was giving my daughter a bath and it was such an absolutely smashing time.  As I was bathing her I was thinking about how I need to clean the bathroom and several other things.  Then I thought of the group in Haiti.  The people they are serving may never see a bathtub, let alone one remotely as clean as mine is, compared to what they have. 

The fact that we have clean water here is something we don't think often about.  There are many I know working toward clean water for communities around the world and I don't think that Americans realize what a privilege it really is.

So, with those thoughts, I prayed for Haiti tonight.  I prayed for the group and their last moments there.  I pray that they wouldn't forget the feelings, sites, smells, and relationships formed.  I pray that they will bring their experiences and God moments back with them to share with a world blinded by shiny white bathtubs.  :)

And I am tired.  Good night.

Our Friend Chantal

Well, I love when God prompts us in how to pray before we know why. Looks like a tropical storm may affect the departure of some of the team in Haiti. As I wrote yesterday, the unexpexted usually occurs during any given mission trip. So we will pray. Let's pray for that they can depart Haiti and arrive in the US safely. Also, for any interactions that will take place during this time, that the love of Christ will show through our team when it otherwise might not be shown to airline workers, or Haitians they might encounter while remaining in Haiti. Pray that our team is a shining light during their last couple of days and that they leave no loose ends. God is bigger than any storm.

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” --Matthew 8:23-27

Track Tropical Storm Chantal here.

Unexpected

One of the most memorable things about mission trips usually tends to be when the unexpected happens.  Undoubtedly there is something that doesn't go as planned and it is most often in those moments that God shows up in the most unexpected, awesome ways. 

On my first trip to Honduras we went to a hospital.  There is a section of the hospital reserved for children actually dying of cancer and only a few people are allowed in there at a time which meant only 3 of us could go in.  I think two of us went.  We were told to expect that it would be difficult and between me and the other gal going in, I spoke the most Spanish.  So, as we were going through visiting the kids it really wasn't as "bad" as I expected.  We got to the last room and I walked in to see the biggest smile I have ever seen.  I don't remember her name because she was "Sunshine" from that moment on.  It is amazing how God can drop language barriers and I understood almost everything Sunshine's mom said and was able to speak to her.  She was 8 years old and dying, any day she could go.  As I looked closer I could see that she was nothing but skin and bones.  Her mom and her were so full of joy and loved Jesus and knew that when Sunshine fell asleep for the last time here she would be partying with the angels.

The unexpected here?  I thought I was going to minister to those people.  Little do they know how BIG of an impact they made on my life.  I think of Sunshine and her mom often.  I know that unless God answered our prayer for complete healing, Sunshine is dancing with the Jesus today and her mom is awaiting the day she can be with her baby again. 

Pray for the team in Haiti.  Odds are God is ministering and speaking to them through the people of Haiti as much as they are  ministering to others.  He is amazing like that.  I can't wait to hear the stories of the individuals that touch their lives and pray they can meet people that they will never forget.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go straight to God, I'd throw myself on the mercy of God.  After all, he's famous for great and unexpected acts; there's no end to his surprises. He gives rain, for instance, across the wide earth, sends water to irrigate the fields. He raises up the down-and-out, gives firm footing to those sinking in grief. He aborts the schemes of conniving crooks, so that none of their plots come to term. He catches the know-it-alls in their conspiracies— all that intricate intrigue swept out with the trash! Suddenly they're disoriented, plunged into darkness; they can't see to put one foot in front of the other. But the downtrodden are saved by God, saved from the murderous plots, saved from the iron fist. And so the poor continue to hope, while injustice is bound and gagged.

                                                                                                --Job 5:8-16 (The Message)

Self what?

As I sit  here wanting to dwell in my pit of self pity I am thinking about the fact that I need to pray for the team in Haiti and that begins to pull me out of the muck.  I realize that they have given up all comforts for the week to serve God and Haiti.  Though this makes my heart ache for a chance to serve others cross-culturally, it also reminds me that there are others much more in need than I am.

There are people without roofs over their heads, suffering from all kinds of ailments, no clean water to drink and no food to eat...self what? 

I have learned what it is to be a mother this past year and I have a new place in my heart that aches for the mother who is unable to care for her child when her child is suffering.  Pray for the mothers in Haiti that can't feed or clothe their children.  That God could step in and care for their children when the parents can't

Pray for the team in Haiti.  That souls would be fed and hearts uplifted by the One who knit their hearts together.

 I lift my eyes toward  the mountains. Where will my help come  from?  My help comes from the  Lord , the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber.   Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protects you; the Lord is a shelter right by  your side. The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from  all  harm; He will protect your life. The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever.

                                                                                         --Psalm 121
                                                                                         

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

                                                                                              --Psalm 139:17

The Best Freedom

The best freedom anyone can know is freedom from sin through Christ. Sin is the root of everything bad in this world...We ignore God's commands to feed the poor so, there are people suffering. We want more of everything...more money, more possessions, more land, more control, it doesn't end. When we get something or obtain something, we strive for the next thing. Suffering exists because we are selfish individuals. There is a group in Haiti right now giving up the comforts of America for a week so that they can love the poorest of poor. But the real tragedy is not that the people of Haiti will never have an iPad, or that they may never taste a steak or even Lucky Charms. The real tragedy is that they won't know freedom through Christ unless it is communicated to them. Pray for the team this week that they would love extravagantly as Christ would so that the people of Haiti would see they come to offer FREEDOM. A freedom that is better than any riches earth has to offer. Happy Independence day. Pray the people of Haiti could know what that truly means.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time mare not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

--Romans 8:18-21

Voo Don't

Today I am reminded that we need to pray for the Spirit and angels to be surrounding the team in Haiti. The major religion in Haiti is voodoo...

Vodouists believe in a distant and unknowable creator god, Bondye. As Bondye does not intercede in human affairs, vodouists direct their worship toward spirits subservient to Bondyè, called loa.[9] Every loa is responsible for a particular aspect of life, with the dynamic and changing personalities of each loa reflecting the many possibilities inherent to the aspects of life over which they preside.[10] In order to navigate daily life, vodouists cultivate personal relationships with the loa through the presentation of offerings, the creation of personal altars and devotional objects, and participation in elaborate ceremonies of music, dance, and spirit possession.[11]

The reality of this religion is truthfully beyond scary to me. We are only to submit ourselves to God...whenever we submit to other spirits we open ourselves up to evil. "Return now every man from his evil way and amend your doings and go not after other gods to serve them;" --Jeremiah 35:15 Be in prayer for the people our team comes in contact with. That each new person they meet would be blinded by God's light shining from within them and they would be unable to deny His presence. Pray for the team and the possibility of them coming face to face with those who may be involved with the worship of other spirits. Pray for the Holy Spirit to be close and to protect them. Pray in the name of Jesus all of these things because it is by His name only that these spirits can be rebuked. Pray KNOWING that God answers. Pray that our team would follow HIS leading in each situation, that they would listen to His prodding and also warnings He may provide. Allow them to whisper prayers for each child and adult that they come into contact with and to foster His love in their lives where they might not otherwise know love. Pray that the people of Haiti would come to know that they are the apple of His eye and they are special and not forgotten. Pray for the relationships being built within the team. There is nothing like a mission trip to bring you together with others and these relationships will remain special forever.

Sleep Soundly

For almost as long as I can remember my heart has been pointed to the mission field. Specifically I thought I would end up in Romania. A string of events occurred which includes the birth of my number 2 love (after Jesus) and I now am not in a position to go into the world. Without going into details the birth of my daughter was absolutely a beautiful consequence that saved me from what I can only see would have been beyond catastrophic to my heart and I am beyond thankful to God for saving me from what might have been. I can absolutely shine my light here...to my daughter and those around me. And I have decided I want to concentrate on praying for those in the mission field. That brings me to the actual point of this post. A group of people from my church headed to Haiti today. Some of them I know well, some are acquaintances, and some I have never met. I know some of their concerns and strengths and expectations for this trip and I can't help but reflect on some of my own intercultural experiences... This team is potentially going to experience everything from extravagant joy to heartbreak to fear to humility and everything in between and beyond. There is no limit to what they might experience as they allow God to use their hands, feet, smiles, actions, and hearts this week. My prayer is that they would be open. Open to His leading because no matter what their expectations, strengths, concerns, weaknesses...GOD IS BIGGER THAN IT ALL. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, as they fall asleep to strange sounds and smells and surroundings, I pray their sleep is sound as they rest knowing that they are in the center of His will...which is the best most comfortable place to be.

You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

Proverbs 3:24-26

As a full time, working, single mom I am constantly on a I love my baby so much I can't stand it high or severely depressed low. I don't ever feel like things are just normal anymore... While working 40+ hours a week I have been blessed to know that people that love God and Jewell are caring for her. I don't worry about her at all during our days apart. There are things that I will never get to see her do for the first time though and it hurts my heart when I allow myself to think about the firsts that I miss. Her first reaction to a certain food, to swinging, she may have taken her first step without me or stood up by herself for the first time. Some of these things I will never know if I missed but I know I have missed some of them. Today I asked my sitter to please wait to let me take her swimming for the first time. I have been a wreck over this one experience for some reason and I think it is just a culmination of the experiences I have missed and will miss. It is one thing that I want to experience and yet I feel guilty for asking her to wait to put her in the pool. These things are extremely difficult for me to ask yet for some reason much more difficult for me not to ask because my heart wrenches at the thought of missing this... So, thanks for understanding Angela...this mommy is so thankful. :)

Sometimes I truly wonder who we think we are... As humans. GOD made us. HE is the only reason that each one of us is even taking a breath right now. So we absolutely SHOULD be listening to and following every instruction He gave us. OK, so there are a lot...and we are imperfect, I'll give ya that... BUT He pointed out 2 commandments above all. TWO OF THEM. That should be easy enough right? Here they are: 1. Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ (Matthew 22:37 NLT) 2. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:39 NLT) The one I want to focus on here is #2. "Love your neighbor as YOURSELF." Did you catch that??? We ALL love ourselves here in the USA. We are constantly harping on self esteem and making sure that we value ourselves. We constantly strive for things to fulfill ourselves and make us happy. We DEFINITELY have NO shortage of love for ourselves here. Then as soon as someone does something wrong, forget it. We are all up in arms about how they treated us or how selfish they are. But wait a second. We should be loving them AS MUCH AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. We aren't entitled to anything BUT sucking it up turning the other cheek and forgiving them. If you have a problem with this then God and Christianity must not be for you. But wait. He extended it to everyone...it is a Gospel of love and the only thing we can't ever have enough of is love. SO...how about this. Next time you are tempted to speed up so the car next to you can't pass...slow down and let them go by. Next time your friend messes up...shake it off and keep loving. Next time the waitress messes up your order...tip double. Someone cuts you off in traffic and then flips you off even though it isn't your fault and you follow them into the Starbucks drive thru...buy their coffee. Fool me once shame on nobody fool me twice shame on nobody again because, "Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! (Matthew 18:21, 22 NLT) Turn the other cheek. If you get beat up, knocked down, stomped on??? Forgive forgive forgive. Jesus had had whatever you are dealing with multiplied by a number unknown to our human brains. He took the weight of the sin of the world and was beaten to shreds and hung to die. He was abandoned and left for dead so that we could experience grace. If we are able to reach out and ask for that grace to be extended to us...how much more should we be able to extend that grace to others? Who do we think we are? I think I am a fallen, imperfect, Jesus lover who doesn't want to be anything less than His servant. But it all starts with the basics. LOVE GOD LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF.